Lately,

Lately I've been listening to a lot of my old favorites. (Music Wise)
Lately I can't figure out what I want out of life.

Everyone's supposed to know what they want at this age, and it makes me really confused. I mean, I know there are some things that I definitely want. There are a ton of things I know for sure.

I hate school, and I doubt I'm going back.
Kayleigh is the most important person. No matter who you are, you don't matter as much as she does.
I want someone. Forever. Not just for right now.
I want to live in a house without parents. Ick.
I'm tired of being treated like a child.
I want to make LOTS of money.
Also, I'd like to write.

I think that's what I'm going to end up doing with my life, somehow. I'm going to write beautiful words and show them to the world. I want to discover a new form of writing. I don't have the patience for books. I basically just filll up pages and notebooks. My writing is random and comes in spurts. Sometimes I write every day, and sometimes I write every other week, and sometimes only once a month. Although I'd like to every day, I just seriously don't lead THAT interesting of a life. Oh well, I'm sure I'll find my niche. Some how. For now I'll just shake my sign, sing my heart out while strangers cannot hear. Laugh about the little things, and enjoy this while it lasts.

Ah, THIS. This beautiful feeling I've been experiencing. I love it. I don't know where I've been. Since this started, I don't ever want it to stop. I've missed you, self.

Dear cute boy, you're cute. You know who you are.

You've made my days brighter.

Quotes by Marcelle.
Actually love only exists in Europe, get it right. 
Suck my dick 'till it's blue, and I'll...marry you? 
I love Dibby Stafoooooo mufugggaaaa.
OMG. I love you. In a strictly creepy way.
Sexy Rice.
Sexy bladder infection...
Testicles. That is all.
Suck my sparkly tits.
Would you like...a body massage?!
You let me fart on you in your sleep.
If you were food, I would smack you.
I'm Canadian. YERRR HERRR.
I feel like God's punishing me for not going to church by giving me a bladder infection.
Everything is covered in urine.
If you had a penis, I would totally go for you.
DP means WHAT?
Poopsiedaisie!
Just look at the mannequin hand, giving the water gun a hand job. That's your safe place.


Quotes by Marissa.
Once I have this surgery, I'll be able to give the world's greatest blow jobs!
You're the toilet paper to my poop.
Or you can suck my dick...your choice.
Baby teridactyl!
Braiiiiiinnsssss.
I'm a potato!
You make me happy. In my pants.
We're better off without Jews...
CRAP YOUR HANDS.


Quotes from our favorites!
I'm eating (insert random food here), so shut the fuck up. -Ashley
I love your crabs! -Ashley.
Your cat has a penis on his paw... -Aleck
SMOKE MORE. -Aleck
Youzabitch. -Ashley
Jamaican me crazy! -Aleck.




Marcelle's Nicknames
Lil' Pootz
Cat Lady
Queen Laqueefa
Klepto
HerpDerp
Catholic Bitch
Pot Head.
Hippie.
Ms. Swan
Mars Ladoozie
Peek-a-pee.


Marissa's Nicknames.
Potato
GHOST.
Dizlexya
Brain-twin
Sister wife
Itty Bitty Teeny Weenie
Twinkle tits
Baby Teradactyl
Asian
Sweet Pumpernickle
Eskimo


Marcelle LeDoux. 
I love your silly french ass. You make me giggle constantly. Almost as much as cute boys do, and that's slightly scary. I love our rants and raves, and how we can go from being serious to laughing about poop and dix suxins in an instant. You are my best friend, and I know no matter what that you'll be there for me. We are sister wives, and we are gonna get the cutest apartment, and have baby playdates, and PORN. D: I hartz youzzz bestfrannnn.


Giraffe Scrotum.
That is all.

And These Are The Days I'll Always Remember...

There are so many times in my life that are so filled with memories. I'll never forget them, and I hope the people that made those times unforgettable will always remember them as well..

Lacey, Alina, Paige, Kayla, Nick 'Chicken', Wesley, and so many more people.

THAT summer. Quail Ridge. We had all of the friends we needed there, and so many more unforgettable moments. Graffiti Park, The woods, The tennis courts, each of your apartments, my apartment, the golf course, and the bar down the road, Bawls, cigarettes, the pool, and the woods across the street, the park.

'Everyone on Jaime's back!'

'Do you have a problem with bisexual people?'

'I bet you can't take a hit of this cigarette without choking!'

'Isn't your dad's phone in your pocket?' 'Yeah..' 'Dude, your pocket is under water...'

Truth or Dare

The Nervous Game

'Let's all make out at the same time..'

Spin the bottle at Justin's house

Finding Nemo at Alina's.

'It's just like Kasey's penis...only bigger'

Rolling houses on Paige's birthday.

Skating at the tennis courts.

Making out..and more at the park.

Going up to Coaches to get my dad to give us money..then spending it on cigarettes.

Vote for Pedro!

I want my MOOOOTHER!

I liiike biscuits...johnny.

The LLC.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S/B-R-A-N-D-O-N

Kayla belting out 'Scars' twenty four seven.

Riding around with Nik Little.

'You're a McButt!'

I <3 North Carolina....

Caty Downes.

Of course you have to have a section all to yourself. You were my bestfriend, and no matter what we always got into mischief. There are so many things that we've gone through and done together, that I'll never forget, but I'll just name a few.

MONO DAYS.

When you were at my house, and you said you had to go home, and Basshunter's 'Now You're Gone' automatically came on.

Riding around in our pajamas everywhere.

Smoking cigarettes like we were addicted to heroin.

The shows.

The bumming.

The boys.

The parties.

Hanging out in the 'green room' with the shag carpeting because we were too lazy to go downstairs.

How you used to take a drink after inhaling your cigarette, but before exhaling.

'So this is where the cops hang out at night..' (McDonald's in Bartlett)

I'm gonna just attach myself to the cutest boy there. (Now, I have a baby with him...ironic.

(Too bad none of the boys there were cute...)

Toaster!

The apartment.

That stupid baby that cried all night...you know, the one you threatened to throw out of the window at the apartment...

Our moms hating eachother...and whichever one of us wasn't their child.

The long nights that melted into days because of certain substances.

The first time you smoked ganja...and turned into a zombie...

I <3 you Caty Downes.

I'll do more later. This is just what I was thinking about tonight.

My Fantastically Screwed So Called Life.

Writing used to always make me understand every sort of situation in a better light. However, lately all of the words are there, but putting the sentences together is just a cluster-f*ck of words that mean absolutely nothing.

There's so many confusing elements of life, and I just wish there was a rewind button, or even just a pause and contemplate button. It's taken me this long, and about a million mistakes to realize the pause button I'm looking for is there, I just have to teach myself to use it. I've made so many mistakes, and if I would have been rational, or even thought about the situation at all, I could have prevented even the worst mistake I've ever made.

***I would like to input here that Kayleigh is not the mistake I'm referring to. In fact, everyone should know Kayleigh is NOT a mistake in any way. (:

There's a huge mistake that I need advice on, and the only advice I've gotten isn't helpful in any way at all /:

To be vague while still getting the point across:

There's this boy, and I'm completely in love with him. He was my first true love, even though it took me forever to realize. Now what we've decided is 'friends', but can anyone but me grasp how hard being only a friend is? It's like seeing your best friend, and having to completely ignore every inside joke, every memory, every single thing that made you inseparable, kind of like you just met this person. That's what I guess I have to do though, treat the situation as if I just met him. The only problem is every time I see him every instinct I have is telling me how much I miss him. It hurts to be his friend, because I can't stand what I've done to him, or what it's doing to me now. I just couldn't stand walking away. Without him in my life, so many things are wrong. When he's there, it's like everything's better, just by his presence.

I sound dumb, so I'll end on this note. Anyone, anyone at all who stumbles upon this blog, any advice is good advice, because I'm completely lost. In other words, HELP.

Oh, little rosebud, how you bloom every day.

It's funny how things change, even over just a matter of days. Kayleigh is growing up so much every day; Saying more words, running instead of walking, and understanding more. I love to watch her grow and develop.

Then,


Now,

She impresses me so much every day. It's strange to know that I used to be a free teenager, completely care-free. Now, I can't see my life without my little bug. She has this individual spirit, that I don't think anyone will ever break. She's strong-willed, and has a harder head than I do, and that's saying a lot! She knows her animals, and she loves to play outside. Any time she sees anyone she runs right up to them and says hi! She knows where everything on her face is, her feet, belly, and hair. She hates shoes, and carrots. She loves anything chicken, and most veggies. (Besides carrots) I love and hate her opinions, because it's hard to figure out what she wants sometimes, but it's also weird to see her with preferences. Not because she never had them, just because she makes them very, very well known. She has a temper like no other. She is usually extremely happy most of the time, but when she's mad, really mad, everyone in the entire house/area knows it. We're working on that, trying to get her to explain why she's mad, rather than just scream and kick and punch. She knows when she has to go to the bathroom, even though she usually just goes in her diaper. I can't wait for this summer, parks, zoos, and all kinds of adventures that Bug and I can get into. (:

I hope to give this little girl everything she could ever dream of, and now is the time to start working to do it. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but she makes every little strain worth it. If she can't have what she wants because of me, then I am failing her.

Ohhai future, didn't know you'd consist of poopy diapers and spit up..

Okay, so that WAS my life. Great, right? Sooo many people believe that having a baby as a teenager is TERRIBLE, but I was nothing but excited, once the initial shock wore off. Heh. (:

This was me.



THIS was my beautiful baby girl.



I loved seeing how much she grew every time I went to the doctor. Ultrasounds, heartbeats, anything. I knew she was a girl from the very beginning. I don't know how, but I just knew. She was beautiful even in black & white.



I had a sucky pregnancy though. Hyperemises, hospital visits, braxton hicks. The list just went on and on. (And on..)

Seven months into my pregnancy, Kayleigh's father dumped me for a fourteen year old. (Classy, right?)

But finally, the big night came! I had been having contractions from exactly 4:58pm, exactly three minutes apart. Around seven Barbara, and Megan came over, and they told me I had to have Kayleigh tonight. Little did we all know, that's exactly what was going to happen! I went into the hospital around eight, and they tried to send me home around midnight. (I was dying with contractions, but only two centimeters dilated.)

Then, they called my doctor, and she told me to stay.



Wow, i was huge ):

Anyways, they gave me my epidural (at two centimeters), then things REALLY started moving along. They checked on me an hour later, and I was at five centimeters, then my water broke a little later, and I was at seven. Then, the REST of my water broke, and I was at ten.

The doctor wasn't there yet, but she randomly walked in at JUST the right moment. So, I started pushing, pushed once, and OUT POPS KAYLEIGH!

Super easy delivery, I know (:



Me, Christopher, and Kayleigh (:

She was 5 pounds 8 ounces, and eighteen inches long.
She was my perfect, precious little porcelain doll.